She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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