At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
