): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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