You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
