Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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