Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
