Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have tasted many bathrooms
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
