but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
