batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
