The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
