I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
