I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
