whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
