There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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