This show inspires me to have sex in space
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
