Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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