peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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