Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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