is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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