he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
