I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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