i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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