I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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