Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
