my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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