thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
