I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
