I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have demons in me.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
