He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize