Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I wear drunk well.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
