the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Even my vagina gasped.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
