I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
