so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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