I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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