All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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