To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
