life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
