So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize