My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
We named our party play list daddy issues
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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