when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize