I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
