fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
