the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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