i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
