i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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