my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize