im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
