who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
