The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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