NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
