so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
