Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
