I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
