mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
