I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Houston, we have a blender
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
