Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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