I must be too annoying 4 u.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
