im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
