i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
