Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i think my mom watched the whole time
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
