i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
