there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
