remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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