Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
