Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
