just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
