either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
