is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
