I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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