there's paper in my vomit.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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