Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
